I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
