he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
