i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You smell like stripper and shame
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
