Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
