I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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