the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
