My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I will die if light touches me.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
