oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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