I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
