YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think my vagina is haunted
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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