My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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