I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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