can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
