What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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