You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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