I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
