how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is Oprah even human
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
