Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
