I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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