i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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