the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
