"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The air taste purple.
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