How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
