I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
