Define "chronic" masturbator.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
