I'm gonna have a badass scar
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
