I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
