Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if only i could text you this smell
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
