i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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