She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
