i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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