I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
