In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
