He kissed a someone with a penis
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
