did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
operation have a gay friend backfired
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
