HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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