you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
