you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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