Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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