my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
