I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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