I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
