Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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