we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His hands were made for my vagina.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
