I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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