if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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