The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
