He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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