Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
