I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
