I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
