we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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