DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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