the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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