I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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