Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
