I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
