There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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