i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize