I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
