Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
