I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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