I need to stop coming to work sober
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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