I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
