youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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