Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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