...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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