worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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