Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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