I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i came on her dog
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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