There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im part way to drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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