And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize