You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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