my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
