So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
