You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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